Here We Go

Lately my daughter has started throwing fits. Not full blown tantrums. But she’ll push my hands away if she is mad that she cannot have something. Or when we have to do something necessary, like a diaper change. It has occurred to me that we tend to react the same way with the Lord. We throw our little fits when the Lord tells us no to something that we want. And sometimes we do this for something He is doing for our own good. I know I tend to throw my little fits when He tells me to do something that I do not want to or that I am scared to do. A good example of me doing this is starting a blog. Blogging sounds like a good idea, until I am sitting at my computer typing one up and wondering why He wants me to do this. And wondering if anything I have to write about will mean anything to anyone else. Ultimately, I am realizing that if no one else ever reads this, I have to be obedient and to know this is all for a reason.

And so I sit here wondering when I became a writer. Writing is definitely not something I had ever thought or dreamed of doing. And now suddenly, I find myself wanting to write all the time. I am currently working on book, but I find myself wanting revelation for other things. It truly is amazing how one day I get some “crazy” revelation of writing a book; and the very next day it seems my whole outlook on writing has changed. And of course once again, I find myself in a unique place. I have come to embrace the fact that I am a prophet. The Lord revealed to me that that gifting in me does not look like it does in anyone else. He has created me so differently, I have no one to compare myself to and I shouldn’t. Here I am again trying to embrace my writing gift. Trying to figure out what all this looks like for me and what I should use it for. Amazingly as the Lord has been healing me in certain areas of my life I find that this writing thing has been coming up behind that. I have realized that I have lost so much of myself through the years. But it seems I am finding parts of myself that I did not know where there. I have sat and tried to remember what I used to be like. But maybe it is not about me figuring out who I was, but who I am.

The Lord brings so much revelation through my writing. Why wouldn’t I want to write all the time? I think I have an expectation that I should have more done. But I know that I just need to take it day by day, letting the Lord lead me. After all the Lord will not leave me alone about writing. His voice can be hard to ignore for very long. And when I am obedient, He is so faithful. From one thought or even a few I can sit and write a few pages.

So I guess here we go.